Molasses Brain

Published September 27, 2015 by Maggie Williams

Have you ever tried to write when you’re super sleepy? Let me just say, it is not the best way to do it. My brain waves are moving like molasses right now, but I wanted to get something written today. And since I spent all day procrastinating and eating, one a.m. was apparently the right time.

I can’t think of the words that I want at all. Adjectives are being particularly evasive. I gave up when I had to start googling the definitions of words just to make sure I was using them correctly. I know what “hitherto” means. I know what “haughty” means. But since it’s difficult to convince my brain of these simple facts right now, I think it’s time for bed.

Learn from my mistakes, writing brethren. Get your things done before you’re too tired to remember the definitions of basic words.

Meant to Be Alone

Published September 24, 2015 by Maggie Williams

I have recently stumbled across the revelation that I am probably always going to be alone. Not in a complain-y “No one will ever love me because I’m horrible and unworthy” way. More of a “Being alone is my favorite thing in the universe” way. It happened one dark and stormy night when I was lying in bed, as per usual, on the internet. I was chilling without pants on when a stray thought meandered into my head: “I love being alone”. It was kind of amazing when I realized that it was the absolute truth.

My ideal life as a new adult is living by myself in a tiny studio apartment in New York, staying home and writing all day long. If I had a bathroom and a mini fridge attached to my bedroom where I live now, I don’t think my family would ever see me. Of course, I would interact with other humans occasionally- like when I need a chai latte or want to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer with a friend. But mostly, I would be alone with the sweet, blissful silence and my thoughts. This is probably someone else’s worst nightmare, but I’m over here salivating at the thought of it.

For a while there, I was really feeling terrible about being significant-other-less, but right now it seems like a good choice. (Because it was definitely a conscious decision, and not all affected by the fact that no one wants to date me anyway…) One of my best friends sees her gentleman caller for hours on end on a daily basis. I need space, and I’m not even in that relationship. It really makes me wonder about my future. I was always so sure about the idea of marriage and having someone, but now I don’t know. Maybe I’m too independent for a relationship, and would actually be unhappy in one. I’ll probably never know because I’m picky and also probably an acquired taste and nervous and conversationally horrible around males.

Ah well, that’s enough of my sleepy nighttime musings. What is your current state of alone-ness? How do you feel about being on your own? Do you think I’m far enough over on the introvert spectrum that I should seek mental help? Let me know.

No, You Cannot Read What I Wrote

Published September 22, 2015 by Maggie Williams

When I first set in on a chapter, it’s stupid and I hate writing. For however brief that moment is, I want to do anything else. But then the story takes hold. Suddenly, I’m not myself anymore. I don’t exist. I am merely a conduit for a story to come into the universe. These are the moments I live for. In this lovely world, nothing exists but my world and my characters. I don’t have time to feel stupid for using a word incorrectly, or to feel awkward describing the love interest’s lips for a whole paragraph. These feelings don’t come until later, when I think about someone I know reading what I’ve written.

There’s something so outside-of-me and simultaneously personal about the things that I write. When I write, I become the characters- they are their own people, not based on me. But at the same time, no matter how different the characters are from me, they still feel like a piece of me. (Did this psychobabble even make sense? Excuse me for my confusing writer-speak.) In a way, I suppose they are. Every last word that I write is a piece of my thoughts, cast out for the world to see. Even if what I’m writing isn’t about me, I’m still eerily aware of the way my voice is imprinted in all of my work. It’s really freaky to think about exposing that to anyone.

That sounds like something I should probably get over if I want to be a writer.

Writing Is My Therapist

Published September 13, 2015 by Maggie Williams

There are times when I need to write as an obligation (achieving my goal of finally finishing my novel, or doing an essay for school) and there are times I need to write (to keep myself sane). The best way for me to dissect my thoughts is through writing. It keeps my brain on the right path, so it doesn’t wander into kittens-and-cupcakes territory. The actual act of writing can help me solve my problems, or help me to figure out what the heck is wrong with me (usually a lot of things). Just getting the words out of my head, even if no one else is going to see them, can change my outlook immensely. Writing is many things to me, and one of those things is intensive therapy.

Just a Teenage Girl Living the Dream, NBD

Published August 30, 2015 by Maggie Williams

Exciting things are coming my way, maybe. Let me just say, I am super proud of myself for seeing an opportunity and deciding to take it. I feel like such an adult with all the life stuff that is going on right now (and yet I’m still too scared to learn to drive- how mature can I be?). I’m keeping up on the work for my college class, finishing out two scholarship portfolios, writing a novel, starting a graphic novel, doing heaps and heaps of college application essays, and possibly starting up this secret project.

Why is it secret, you may ask. Well, because it involves actual people in the actual book-publishing world. I took an opportunity, not expecting much from it, but quite a bit could happen, actually. At the very least, an agent has promised to critique the sample of my writing that I sent in, which is still huge. I am but a child, how can I be doing business stuff? It’s terrifying and mind-blowing.

How am I going to find time for all of this, on top of having to go to school, and having a job? I will definitely have to sacrifice sleep and sanity, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t kind of love it. I love being busy like this, all with writing things. Flash forward a month or two, and that may change, but right now, I am super freaking content. Shout out one time to whatever great cosmic coincidence is letting my life be like this.

An Open Note to the Princesses of the World

Published August 13, 2015 by Maggie Williams

Why does the prince always have to be the savior, huh? You would think that while the poor guy is fighting a dragon that can literally call upon on all the powers of hell, you might try to do something other than faint in the background. This is your life he’s saving, honey- maybe at the mercy of his own. You could maybe throw him a bone and help out. At least create a diversion or something. Yeesh.

And don’t even get me started on the ploys that you use to sucker the poor guy into helping you in the first place. It shocks me to no end that you ladies are still using the Dance and Desert. I mean, leave him wanting more by all means, but you have to at least tell him your name. Some of these boys aren’t all that bright (sucking on those silver spoons must cause some sort of brain damage). They can’t all track you down with the only clues being A) the memory that you were, in fact, a babe and B) a shoe that could probably fit a lot of people in the kingdom. A shoe? Really? Because no one has ever used that one before.

Also, the Singing-in-the-Woods trick is just plain ridiculous. People wonder why you’re always a damsel in distress. I’m going to bet you’re not the biggest fan of being in mortal danger yourself. Here’s an idea- don’t hang out in the dark and creepy woods. Singing out there won’t cause your true love to find you, it’ll draw in a hungry wolf, bear, or maybe the occasional mountain lion. You’ll get eaten before you can even beguile him into planting true love’s kiss on those lip-glossed lips of yours.

(Although, it should be noted that if you save him from some sort of terrible fate, i.e. drowning or bleeding to death from a stab wound, this is still a very good ploy, no matter how many other princesses have saved their princes. There’s nothing like a brush with death to make someone want to plant the big TLK on you.)

Ugh- “true love’s kiss”. Let me tell you right now, that “true love’s kiss” will not be the first one you share with your prince. The first three are all teeth and too much saliva. They aren’t as romantic as you have been led to believe. Also, you need to reevaluate your life choices if you’re in love when you’re only in the first-kiss stage. Multiply that by one hundred if this first kiss has happened within the first three days of you meeting each other. If you think you’re in love with him in the first few days, you aren’t. You have been charmed by his good looks, power, and untold riches. This is not love. This is shallow. You are a kiddie pool.

I think I’m going to break some hearts with this one, and I’m sorry to ruin your dreams, but unless you are noble or rich, you can’t be queen. In a prince’s world, marriage is not about love. Marriage is a business deal between two upper-class families, and if you have been a maid your whole life, you cannot marry a prince. The best you could hope for if, against all odds, you actually get to meet one of the most important people in the country, is for him to take you as a mistress. The good news is that he will probably like you more than he likes his wife. The bad news is that the entire kingdom will look down their noses at you, and his queen will probably constantly be plotting your demise. But if that sounds like the life for you, be my guest.

I also feel that I need to mention that maybe, just maybe, some princes don’t want a lady mistress. (You should also consider the possibility that you don’t want to be a lady mistress, to a prince at least. Maybe you want to be the “close friend” of a queen.) Take it from a prince who knows. I spent my whole life learning about these happily-ever-afters, just like you did. I looked at books full of pictures of your kind, trying to see what the other princes saw in you. I spent my adolescent years confused and hiding from myself, all while princesses chased me around. I did a lot of soul-searching and crying and talking to my trusted few friends to figure out who I was. Of course, I had to marry a princess. If you’re a prince, you have to, no matter the circumstances. But my mistress is, shall we say, more of a bearded-lady type. And yes, I do love this bearded lady very much- much more than my princess (and like I said, my wife hates him- er- her). I just thank my lucky stars every day that I’m the fifth brother, and so have next to no need to produce an heir. But that’s enough about me, let’s get back to you. I’m sure those are words you love to hear.

You should probably mention when you first meet this poor sap if A) your step-mother is a witch who hates you B) your parents offended a witch and she now hates you or C) you know of a witch who hates you. It’s just common courtesy, really. These are the important matters that can really make or break a relationship. This way he can be on the look-out for creepy old women who might try to poison one of you, a shady step-mom who may have you locked in a tower somewhere, or the aforementioned dragon with hell powers. I can guarantee that if those princes had known about all of the work they had to do, they never would have chosen you.

Do you even know how long it takes his servants to get him clean and ready in the mornings? If you don’t take pity on the prince, at least have a little respect for the peasants who have to clean him up after he got all covered in dragon guts, or old-lady-witch-who-has-recently-been-crushed-by-a-boulder blood. It’s really just selfish of you not to mention your biggest deal-breaker.

Finally, if you have secured his hand through all of these hardships, never- I repeat- never tell him about the animals you can talk to, unless you want to end up in bedlam with your marriage newly annulled.

So, there you have it, princesses- a little note full of tips and critiques on how you’re living your lives. Please listen to what I have stated here- it would make life a lot easier on everyone at court. If you do, perhaps a lot more of us could live-dare I say it?- happily ever after, the end. Ugh, I regretted saying it immediately. Let’s also abolish that saying because it’s more clichéd than every princess having only one parent, am I right?… Too far? Oh well. Thank you and good night.

*Side note- I am not now, nor have I ever been, a gay prince. I am merely a humble writer who had a humbly genius idea. Humble.*

Do Not Read This, It’s a Waste of Your Time

Published August 12, 2015 by Maggie Williams

It’s crunch time. There is officially only one week left until I start my senior year, and I have so much to do. So naturally, I spent the entire day watching various tattoo shows instead of doing any work. You know how it goes.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned multiple times how bad I am at sticking to goals that I make for myself. But maybe this will be the time that I actually do the thing. I have 22 more pages of fiction, nonfiction, screenplay, or poetry to write and then I’ll be finished with both of my major scholarship portfolios. It’s my goal to get all of these down before school starts. Shouldn’t be that hard, right? You don’t know how chronic my procrastination situation is.

I’ve actually been super good about writing short stories the past few days. I did three in the past two days, and I’m hoping to maybe possibly do a fourth today. The night is still young.

I was going to try and finish reading a book today and tomorrow, but I seem to be in a reading slump at the moment. I know the book I’m reading is really good, but because I don’t feel like reading, I found myself hating it. So I had to stop so I don’t let the experience taint my opinion of the book (taint is a gross word). Does that ever happen to you?

Well, now that I feel accomplished for doing a blog post that I’m sure is a yawn, I’m going to go write something interesting. I’m sorry if you made it through these 295 words. (I told you in the title it was a waste of your time. What are you doing. Get back to work on whatever project you’re avoiding.)


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