English Class Sucks

Published March 8, 2015 by Maggie Williams

Why does every educator insist upon only assigning the most horribly boring books? It seems like the criteria for English class reads is always 1) Was it written more than fifty years ago? 2) Will it make you feel numb with boredom when you read it? 3) Will it make even the most enthusiastic reader want to scoop their eyes out with a rusty spoon just so they can feel a flash of anything other than irreconcilable boredom?

“But classics still apply to life today”. You know what else does? Books that were written today. Except even more so, because we will be able to understand the struggles for real instead of “This problem is vaguely like one that is occurring today”. It’s really no wonder kids don’t like to read.

Writing Places

Published March 1, 2015 by Maggie Williams

I constantly find that when I see a place that holds any beauty, it makes me want to write. Being outside on a rainy or snowy day, buying a chai latte in a coffee shop, and taking a tour of a huge, old house. If a place is pretty, I want to sit down with my laptop and write. The beauty of the earth, or man-made places on the earth, inspires me. Here are a few places where I felt inspired.

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Thoughts While Watching “The Duff” (May Contain Spoilers)

Published February 22, 2015 by Maggie Williams

1. Why is Mae Whitman so perfect. Even her name is perfect. Say it with me- “Mae Whitman”.

2. Why is Robbie Amell so perfect. He is too beautiful for human eyes.

3. Must… refrain… from singing… the Zach Stone… theme song…

4. When I look at Bella Thorne, all I see is Disney Channel. I can’t take her seriously. Regina George 5ever.

5. She is engaged in some pretty heavy petting with that manikin. She might be a little pregnant.

6. Okay, what is up with that little booboo beneath Wes’s lip?

7. God damn it, Mae Whitman. She’s funny too. In an awkward, relatable way.

8. Oh my god, we get it- you’re talking about social media. You’re so current, movie, is that what you want to hear? Now stop.

9. Jokes about balls and murder. That’s all I need to be entertained. I am mature.

10. So many sex jokes. I wish I could laugh more, but my mom is sitting right next to me. Awkward.

11. Bella Thorne, stop. You will never be Regina. Sh-sh-sh-shake it up.

12. Hahaha oh my god. You know it’s too much tongue when you can feel it poking out your butthole.

13. Haha, yaaasss, that penis drawing though.

14. My god, that dress. She is killing it. Her hair/eyebrow game is so strong.

15. K, Mama Piper. “Don’t conceive” is the best advice you have given all movie.

16. No, attractive band guy. Stop being an asshole. You are in the presence of Mae Whitman. Do not ask her about her friends’ availability.


18. Yes, Mama Piper. You make that pep talk your bitch.

19. Oh snap- they’ve filled the PG-13 f-bomb quota. Wise choice.

20. We mere mortals are not worthy of the amazing that is Mae Whitman. (I may have a slight girl crush…)

21. That mustached teacher is life. You work it, creepy middle-aged man.

22. That Mae Whitman monologue though.

23. That beautiful people make out scene though.

24. This movie is okay with sexuality and I’m more than okay with that.

25. I am a Duff as well, we are all Duffs, we are one. #solidarity

26. Okay, I see why Wes needs a scholarship to be able to go to college. He spent all his money on that ginormous house and the shiny Jeep. #priorities

27. I am going to buy the shit out of this movie when it comes out.

28. I will buy it so hard.

29. Oh my god, yes. Can we please bring back the times where the bloopers always played in the credits? It’s the best.

30. And now, please welcome our star, the movie that has risen to the ranks of films like “Mean Girls” and “Easy A”- “The Duff”! *And the crowd goes wild!* And by the crowd, of course, I mean me, silently cheering to myself as I celebrate the above-par messages sent to females with this movie. And Mae Whitman. Hot damn. Mae Whitman.

Thoughts While Watching Disney’s “The Princess and the Frog”

Published February 21, 2015 by Maggie Williams

1. Her dad is definitely going to die. He is an inspiration to her and, as a Disney princess, you are only allowed to have one parent.

2. Tiana is super effing pretty.

3. Called it, her dad is dead now.

4. Tiana’s mom is literally the worst at giving advice. “I know you’ve been working toward this dream of owning a business for your whole life, but honestly, finding a man should be more important to you.” No. Just no.

5. Shit, Naveen is hot. His hotness rivals Prince Eric’s.

6. This voodoo scene is so cool. Pretty colors.

7. Why do the female Disney characters have to have an hourglass figure even when they’re animals? She is a frog right now, quit trying to sexualize her.

8. I am so on board with this firefly. He knows what’s up. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him because, you know, bad things literally never happen to cute sidekicks in Disney movies. Hopefully this isn’t the one time that changes…

9. This firefly scene is pretty as hell.

10. Oh look, there are so many diverse male characters in this movie. They all look different. That’s great.

11. Oh look, there’s the one woman in all of Disney history who doesn’t have an hourglass figure. That’s great.

12. Finally Disney shows some diversity with a black princess who is able to just be a princess like all the others without, like, beingĀ an animal for half the movie or something. Wait a minute.

13. And in true Disney fashion, Naveen is proposing to Tiana after knowing her for precisely two days. Relationship goals.

14. Note to self: listen to more jazz music in everyday life.

15. I miss the non-clay-looking Disney. Bring back the drawings!

16. Okay, seriously- these voodoo scenes are so freaking pretty.

17. Wait a minute. Did the evil guy just step on my favorite character? Just breathe. It’s going to be okay- magic will probably save him at the end. This is Disney, after all.

18. Um. He’s hurt real bad.

19. Um.

20. UM.


22. He’ll come back to life, right?

23. Oh good, that light is him coming back to life, right?

24. No it isn’t.


26. WHY.


28. I would like to care that both of Tiana’s wedding dresses are amazing, but I am still too scarred from the firefly death.

29. Not too scarred to be creeped out by the rich girl’s comment about Naveen’s six-year-old brother.

30. Why did I wait so long to watch this movie? It was great. It can join the ranks of the other Disney princess movies that I really like, but that I don’t have a deep-rooted obsession with because I didn’t grow up with it. Two thumbs up on entertainment, two thumbs down on messages sent to young girls. And firefly deaths.

The Brief Moments When I Stop Being a Recluse

Published February 19, 2015 by Maggie Williams

Generally, my life is a really sad excuse for an existence. I spend a lot of time either overly emotional or on the internet or both (which makes for some very interesting browsing history…), acting like a total hermit. It’s all very cool and very lone wolf and not depressing…

But then there are times when I’m just genuinely excited about life. There are times when I feel motivated to put on makeup just to go to work because, why the hell not? Feelin’ good and lookin’ good. Sometimes I just want to dance around in my underwear and finally get to some of those DIY room projects or read one of the books I got for Christmas or be around people (this one is especially rare for me).

It comes on for no reason and then I’m just like “Fuck yeah- let’s do stuff!” What will I do? Well, first I’ll go to work. But after that, who knows? Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be at least mildly interesting, but my brain will fool me into thinking that it’s way cooler because I’m in a good mood. It’s crazy how emotions work, right?

Out of the Slump

Published February 17, 2015 by Maggie Williams

This past week I have been in a major slump with anything word-related. I haven’t touched the novel or any other project and I gave up a little halfway through a book. I say “a little” because I am going to finish reading it. It’s by one of my favorite authors and I have to. Later…

It really, really sucks as a writer to lose your relationship with words, for however briefly it happens. You feel like such a failure because you should want to read or write. Constantly. That’s what being a writer is, right?

Not always. Like in any relationship, I go through peaks and valleys with my relationship with words. Sometimes I’m in love with them so much that my heart turns to mush and my eyes turn to hearts. Other times, I just get so tired and frustrated and I want to binge-watch all three Austin Powers movies instead of reading or writing. And that’s okay. I know that I’ll always return to the world of words. And it usually happens by reading (or, more recently, watching BookTube videos [look it up]).

I just finished reading “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell after having my eyeballs glued to the pages for 24 hours. First of all, let me just say that it was amazing and you should read it. Especially if you are a socially inept teenager like me who is constantly looking for relatable main characters. Secondly, I want to say that it is so refreshing to read books about other writers. It made me want to hop back on my novel until it’s finished. That’s always the sign of a good book for me- how much it makes me want to write. And boy do I feel like writing right now.

Voting Doesn’t Do Any Good

Published February 11, 2015 by Maggie Williams

About a year ago, I excitedly told my mom that I would be old enough to vote in the next presidential election. To this she replied, “You can if you want, it doesn’t do any good.”

I feel like this is a sentiment shared by a lot of American people, particularly people my age. They think that voting won’t get them anywhere, that the voice they have been given in their government doesn’t matter.

Last night the governor of Kansas, my state, passed a law that says employers can fire LGBTQ+ people based on things like sexual orientation and gender identity. Any good person who knows about this is surely outraged, like I am, and incredibly frustrated with the backwards way our state is being run.

The reason people like Brownback keep getting elected is because a large number who would vote against him don’t because they’ve come to think that it “won’t do any good”. But can you imagine how much good it would do if those huge numbers of people took an active role in our government?

I believe that it is so, so important to educate yourself and vote in any and all elections that you can. I also believe that it is of the utmost importance to encourage young people to vote, to tell them that their voice isn’t just a shout into the void.

The more we encourage people to speak up, the more we will be heard. The more we encourage people to speak up, the more progress we will see in the struggle for equality. The more we encourage people to speak up, the more we can change this world into what it should be- a place where politicians like Brownback are forced to change their backwards views or else be laughed out of office.

Every voice matters. Your voice matters. Never, ever fail to speak up for what is right.


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