1. Why is Mae Whitman so perfect. Even her name is perfect. Say it with me- “Mae Whitman”.
2. Why is Robbie Amell so perfect. He is too beautiful for human eyes.
3. Must… refrain… from singing… the Zach Stone… theme song…
4. When I look at Bella Thorne, all I see is Disney Channel. I can’t take her seriously. Regina George 5ever.
5. She is engaged in some pretty heavy petting with that manikin. She might be a little pregnant.
6. Okay, what is up with that little booboo beneath Wes’s lip?
7. God damn it, Mae Whitman. She’s funny too. In an awkward, relatable way.
8. Oh my god, we get it- you’re talking about social media. You’re so current, movie, is that what you want to hear? Now stop.
9. Jokes about balls and murder. That’s all I need to be entertained. I am mature.
10. So many sex jokes. I wish I could laugh more, but my mom is sitting right next to me. Awkward.
11. Bella Thorne, stop. You will never be Regina. Sh-sh-sh-shake it up.
12. Hahaha oh my god. You know it’s too much tongue when you can feel it poking out your butthole.
13. Haha, yaaasss, that penis drawing though.
14. My god, that dress. She is killing it. Her hair/eyebrow game is so strong.
15. K, Mama Piper. “Don’t conceive” is the best advice you have given all movie.
16. No, attractive band guy. Stop being an asshole. You are in the presence of Mae Whitman. Do not ask her about her friends’ availability.
17. WES WHY. BELLA THORNE’S CHARACTER IS TERRIBLE. (What is her name?)
18. Yes, Mama Piper. You make that pep talk your bitch.
19. Oh snap- they’ve filled the PG-13 f-bomb quota. Wise choice.
20. We mere mortals are not worthy of the amazing that is Mae Whitman. (I may have a slight girl crush…)
21. That mustached teacher is life. You work it, creepy middle-aged man.
22. That Mae Whitman monologue though.
23. That beautiful people make out scene though.
24. This movie is okay with sexuality and I’m more than okay with that.
25. I am a Duff as well, we are all Duffs, we are one. #solidarity
26. Okay, I see why Wes needs a scholarship to be able to go to college. He spent all his money on that ginormous house and the shiny Jeep. #priorities
27. I am going to buy the shit out of this movie when it comes out.
28. I will buy it so hard.
29. Oh my god, yes. Can we please bring back the times where the bloopers always played in the credits? It’s the best.
30. And now, please welcome our star, the movie that has risen to the ranks of films like “Mean Girls” and “Easy A”- “The Duff”! *And the crowd goes wild!* And by the crowd, of course, I mean me, silently cheering to myself as I celebrate the above-par messages sent to females with this movie. And Mae Whitman. Hot damn. Mae Whitman.